March 6, 2025 – In a spectacle that has more twists than a season finale of a political drama, Congress has flatly rejected President Trump's proposal to appoint Satan—the devil himself—as the head of the Church of the United States.
President Trump, known for his unconventional ideas, unveiled a plan that he claimed would “bring a little inferno to the nation’s spiritual leadership.” According to the proposal, Satan’s centuries-long experience running a “fiery empire” would revolutionize the church, injecting it with a bold, albeit diabolical, new direction. However, congressional leaders quickly cooled the flames. “We appreciate a good show, but handing over the keys to our spiritual realm to the actual Devil? That’s one hell of a no-go,” remarked one bemused senator.
The reaction on Capitol Hill was a blend of incredulity and humor. Lawmakers quipped that while dark humor has its place in modern politics, they’d prefer their appointments to be less… literally hellish. One congressional aide joked, “We’re all for shaking things up, but we didn’t expect a proposal that looks like it was drafted during a midnight séance.”
As word of the proposal spread, social media transformed into a digital inferno of jokes, memes, and hot takes. Twitter users wasted no time in roasting the idea, with one viral post stating, "Finally, a politician who’s honest about sending us all to hell." Another quipped, "Satan withdrew his own nomination after realizing even he has standards."
Memes flooded the internet, depicting Satan awkwardly adjusting his tie while standing before Congress, nervously saying, "I may be the Prince of Darkness, but even I wouldn’t shut down the government this often." Others featured Trump shaking hands with a horned, red-skinned figure, with captions like, “Deal with the Devil: First time?” Meanwhile, late-night hosts had a field day, with one joking, "At this point, Lucifer himself is looking at Washington and saying, ‘Too corrupt for me.’"
Even President Trump weighed in on the backlash, posting on Truth Social: “Sad! The radical left won’t even let a guy with a little fire in his belly take charge! Satan would have done GREAT things for the Church, folks. BIGLY!!!”
As the flames of satire raged on, one thing became clear—no matter how surreal politics gets, the internet will always be ready with a pitchfork.
With Congress firmly rejecting the infernal appointment, political commentators are left to wonder if this was a genuine bid for transformation or merely an elaborate joke meant to highlight the theatrical absurdity of modern governance. For now, it seems the spiritual helm of the United States will remain free of any actual demonic influence—at least until the next round of political satire hits the floor.