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March 12, 2025 –In what economists are calling “a revolutionary approach to economic catastrophe,” a leaked White House document has revealed that the Trump administration’s MAGA Economic Plan 2020 includes intentionally crashing the stock market and artificially raising prices by 25% as part of a bold strategy to, in the words of the memo, “shake things up and see what happens.”
The leak comes just months before the 2020 election, leaving experts scrambling to determine whether this is a policy decision, a campaign stunt, or just Trump pressing random buttons to see what they do.
A “Perfect” Market Crash, “The Best One, Maybe Ever”
A “Perfect” Market Crash, “The Best One, Maybe Ever”
The leaked document, titled “MAGA Phase Two: Burn It All Down”, suggests a coordinated effort to tank the stock market in what administration officials describe as a “genius move” to give everyday Americans a chance to buy low—assuming they still have money left after the 25% price hikes.
“You have all these hedge funds, all these Wall Street guys, making billions while regular folks get crumbs,” Trump reportedly told advisors. “If we crash the market, boom—problem solved. Everyone’s broke now. Much more fair.”
White House economic advisor Larry Kudlow was quick to defend the plan on Fox News, saying:
“The president believes in free markets, and what’s freer than a market in free fall? This is trickle-down economics at its finest. Or maybe trickle-up. Or trickle-sideways. Either way, the trickle is happening.”
25% Price Hikes: “Inflation, But Make It Patriotic”
25% Price Hikes: “Inflation, But Make It Patriotic”
According to the document, a mandatory 25% increase in prices will be implemented across all major industries, a move described as “necessary” to “instill a greater appreciation for money.”
“The American people have had it too easy,” the document states. “They take things like affordable gas and groceries for granted. A 25% hike will build character. The strong will thrive, the weak will complain, and that’s capitalism, baby.”
Speaking from a golden chair inside Trump Tower, the president’s economic team reassured the public:
“Inflation is only bad when Democrats do it. When Trump does it, it’s called ‘strategic value enhancement.’ And unlike Obama’s economic policies, this one is 100% based on vibes.”
Wall Street’s Reaction: “Even We Weren’t Ready for This”
Wall Street’s Reaction: “Even We Weren’t Ready for This”
The leak has sent the financial world into a tailspin, with the Dow Jones plummeting faster than Trump’s casino empire. Billionaires who had previously backed Trump are reportedly frantically diversifying their assets into offshore gold, crypto, and rare Beanie Babies in anticipation of what one investor described as “the financial equivalent of jumping into a wood chipper.”
Even Fox Business struggled to put a positive spin on the plan, with one anchor nervously suggesting: “Maybe this is 5D chess? Maybe by destroying the economy, he’s actually saving it? Maybe… we should just drink?”
MAGA Supporters: “If Trump Says the Economy Needs a Good Beating, We Believe Him”
MAGA Supporters: “If Trump Says the Economy Needs a Good Beating, We Believe Him”
Despite the widespread panic, Trump’s most loyal supporters remain fully on board, insisting that economic devastation is just another step in making America great again.
“Look, if President Trump says we need to crash the market, then by God, let’s crash it!” said Jeff Thompson, a Florida man who recently converted his entire life savings into Trump-branded steaks. “The last time the economy crashed was 2008, and guess what? We bounced back! And by ‘we,’ I mean Wall Street, but still!”
Others see the 25% price hike as a patriotic sacrifice. “You think I care if my Big Mac costs more? I’d pay $30 for a combo meal if it means keeping the socialists out of power,” declared one MAGA rally attendee while waiting in line for a $12 bottle of water at a Trump event.
White House Response: “It’s Not a Leak If We Wanted You to See It”
White House Response: “It’s Not a Leak If We Wanted You to See It”
When asked about the leaked document, White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany brushed off concerns, calling it “one of many bold, innovative ideas the administration is considering.”
“We don’t confirm or deny leaked documents,” she said. “But if we did, we would say that only a weak, low-energy person would be scared of a little financial Armageddon.”
When pressed for further details, Trump took to Twitter at 3 a.m. to post the following statement:
“Stock market crashes? Prices going up? Sounds like a Biden problem! NOT ME! FAKE NEWS!”
At press time, the economy remained intact, but only because the administration has yet to figure out how to actually pull off their own disaster.
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